Horny pills

So, like everyone else on the planet, I get some pretty silly spam. Today one of the subject lines was "Horny Pills - 75% OFF!" This got me thinking, do I need to slip my boyfriend a horny pill? We spent a nice few days together recently. We did lots of cute things like watch documentaries, go to the zoo, and fall asleep while cuddling. If this was a "being fantastically in love" blog then I would be set. End of story. But, love is boring, sex sells and I'm ready to start buying. Despite my accelerated libido and the arduous effort I put into shaving my legs (and other important body parts) I was denied any form of hanky panky. We didn't even make out!

Now, I'm not complaining, I'm just, well, complaining. Best boyfriend ever + no sex = a little bit depressing. The turtles at the zoo are getting more action than me (at least we think thats what they were doing.)

Meanwhile, my abilities to procure phone sex seem to have dried up as well. Am I losing my edge? Does my breath smell? I spent last night with my ridiculous new vibrator and it looks like I will be giving a repeat performance along those lines.