A pervy English lesson

I never used to be an elitist about grammar and spelling until I started this journal. I've found recently that simple mistakes send me through the roof. So, I present to you some grammar help. I made the example sentences pervy to hold your attention.

The biggest problem seems to be homonyms - these are words that sound the same but are often spelled differently and have different meanings.
there: Described a location.
Please hand me the lube, it is there on the table.
their: Possessive.
They could hardly keep their hands off of each other while they waited for the desk clerk to hand them the room key.
they're: Contraction of the words "they" and "are".
I can't stop staring at your breasts, they're so perfect.

its: Possessive. (A handy tip to remember this one is that "his" and "hers" don't have apostrophes!)
His bedroom had seen its fair share of one night stands.
it's: Contraction of the words "it" and "is".
If it's all the same to you, I'd like to be on top tonight.

your: Possessive.
I love feeling your cock inside my ass.
you're: Contraction of the words "you" and "are".
If you don't do as you're told, I will spank you.

Don't you wish you got to diagram these sorts of sentences in English class?

In our next class we will be covering "Netspeak". I'll give you the Reader's Digest version - Cut it the fuck out!

* Before I get corrected about my use of punctuation outside of quotation marks: In the US, punctuation goes inside of quotation marks regardless of logic. In the UK, Canada, and other English speaking countries it goes wherever it makes the most sense. I might live in the US but I tend to like logic. I do not, however, insert illogical instances of the letter "U" into perfectly good words like "color" or "favorite".