exhibitionism

This is a picture of my breasts. I'm not really sure what else to say other than that.

EDIT: The boobies have been edited for a good cause! I have submitted some pictures (not this one) to the Boobie-thon. So, if you want to see them, make a donation to help support breast cancer research!

vehicular blow job(s)

Let me begin by saying that my car looks nothing like the one in the photo. Although, it is about that size and probably only a few years older (seriously, check out when Chevy stopped making the Celebrity).

When I went to bed last night I just had one car sex story to tell. Then my dreams provided fodder for another one. I'll tell them in chronological order, though.

I never owned a car until this summer when I got a job that made it impossible not to have one. So, I ended up with a 20-year-old car that had 40,000 miles on it. My car is basically a tank that runs on a 4-cylinder. It provides a good scapegoat if I ever get pulled for speeding as it tops out around 80 mph and that is going downhill with a tail wind. The interesting feature of this car, though, is a bench seat across the front and the fact that it is cavernous inside. I realized the potential sexual fruitfulness of this set-up right off the bat but had never acted on it until this Sunday.

My boyfriend and I had gone to see a movie and were driving back to his house. He had been absent-mindedly playing with my hair and caressing my neck during the car ride. Something about the tenderness of it made me insanely turned on so I resolved in my mind to finally make use of the roominess of my vehicle. I pulled into an empty parking lot and turned off the lights and engine. I just left the music playing. I then (less than gracefully) removed my purse and other belongings that had been sitting between us on the bench seat. He had a somewhat perplexed look on his face but I think he figured things out pretty quickly when I slid over next to him on the seat. We started making out which was exciting but I realized that if I was going to get a real thrill out of this, it had to go farther.

That was when I decided to straddle his hips while we kissed. I was finally starting to get the feel for what I had missed out on during high school. This maneuver certainly pushed his buttons as well since I could feel his growing erection pressing against me. He was sliding his hands up my shirt and grabbing my ass under my skirt while we kissed. Every time a car passed, I would freeze and instinctively duck a bit so that my head was resting on his shoulder. It was both terrifying and sexy. In between kisses and hickeys he was whispering in my ear about what a bad girl I was and how he was going to have to spank me when we got home.

The feel of his cock pushing into me through his jeans was getting to be a bit more than I could stand. So, I got out of his lap and took to unfastening his jeans. When that unbearably time-consuming task was finally accomplished I got right to work. The usual protocol would be that I would continue kissing him while I stroked his shaft and teased him for awhile. In this case, though, I wasted no time. I got on my hands and knees across the bench seat and took his whole length in my mouth immediately. I have always relished the sound that he makes when I first put my mouth on him and this time was no exception. As I worked on his cock, he reached behind me and pulled my skirt up over my ass and began spanking me. I was praying that he would slip his fingers into my panties but he never got the chance. Afer a few minutes of head he became convinced that he saw a person walking by and that we really should leave. Truthfully, I was pretty ready to get home and do things properly so I had no trouble obliging. But, I did squeeze his cock through his jeans for the rest of the drive home.

I still need to retrieve all of the spilled items from my purse that fell under the seat.

But thats not all, I promised you two car sex stories and you will get them. The second is a dream I woke up remembering this morning. It is only notable in the sense that I *rarely* have sex dreams. They have been appearing slightly more often lately but they are still few and far between. They also tend to be about people I know in real life. Imagine my surprise when I dreamed of giving a blowjob to another blogger that I spent some time exchanging passive-aggresive emails with yesterday! The most interesting thing about this dream is that I have no idea what this individual looks like so my mind just created an image to stand in. I might be strange, but my ideal sex partner in fantasies is rarely someone with an aesthetically perfect body. They make me nervous on principle. So, in my imagination this individual is slightly chubby, with a benevolent face, and nice hands. In other words, exactly who I would like to fuck around with.

The events of the dream slightly mirrored the events of my actual car escapades except amped up in the implausible ways that dreams often are. For instance, my roomy car became impossibly large, allowing for positions that would require something more along the lines of a flatbead truck in reality. Additionally, I was completely naked and the events were unfolding in broad daylight right in front of my house (which is on a relatively busy street and in front of a stop sign). As is often the case with dreams I only remember flashes of this one. Looking up at him as I teased the tip of his cock with my tongue, listening to him murmur encouraging words between gasps, feeling his hand caress my ass.

Fuzzy memory or not, I still woke up completely turned on. . .

'cause I keep putting on lip gloss and you won't kiss me

My boyfriend recently told me that I am allowed to make out with whoever I want. I took this news with a great deal of excitement and an eye towards the future. I would parlay my newly found sexual confidence into a very sophisticated and urban form of make-out sluttery. I would lock lips with anyone that I thought was attractive and enjoy the sheer simplicity of just kissing. This would all expand my horizons greatly and take me on my path to becoming an ethical slut.

My boyfriend said this to me almost two months ago.

I haven't kissed anyone.

Now, this isn't for a lack of desire. I have had my smooch radar honed on several desirable kissees. I'm doing all the right things, too. Like spending time in the presence of the people I want to kiss and brushing my teeth. Somehow this doesn't seem to be enough. I think I am missing a piece of the puzzle.

In reality, I know exactly what the problem is. Everyone I know, knows I have a boyfriend. And everyone I know is basically anyone worth kissing in this ridiculously small city. I really can't wait for someone else to kiss me, it isn't going to happen. Unfortunately, I have a ridiculously high fear of rejection.

So, fair reader, how do you get up the nerve to lock lips? Please don't say alcohol. . .

Bloggasm

Sam Sugar rarely stops thinking of good ideas. Here is another one that he had. Nominate your best entry this week by emailing him and check out the links below for some great posts.

Simultaneously bloggasming:
A Silly Idea (sugarbank.com)
There is no better time to be a library student and obsessed with sex. . . (lumpesse.com)
Porn ads in Adsense (mymoneyblog.net)
Random Fetish Attack (talkingdirty.blogspot.com)
Vibeke (pspporn.com)
Podnography #8 - Adonna Vichet, Martha's Girls and Anal Sex (podnography.com)

(Bloggers, participate by emailing your best recent post to sam.sugar@gmail.com. The bloggasm is posted to SugarBank on Saturday, included bloggers commit to posting the bloggasm links within seven days.)

Getting what you paid for

Sam over at Sugarbank is asking some very thoughtful questions today about blogging and revenue. I started to reply in a comment and thought I might as well flesh things out more. Now the big difference between Sam and I in asking this question is that he is a businessman (therefore oriented towards finding a solution and of course revenue) whereas I am a grad student (and therefore consider this as a purely academic question, in fact I have written a paper or two on blogging.) Sam asks:

In a world where paysites are losing ground to blogs, how will people react to the rise of blogs that look beyond advertising as a source of revenue? A change in price from zero is effectively infinite, and guaranteed to be objected to. How much is a blog feed worth? $20 a month? $20 a year? Nothing at all?

The number of people reading your RSS feed is going to become a more important measure of your online audience than the number of people who see your website, but without a universal micropayment system are ads the only way to make money?

Micropayments are becoming a big question in the music industry as well (at least at the independent level.) I have label friends that have dabbled with micropayments for mp3 downloads with very little success. The primary problem seems to be streamlining the payment process to make it universal and easy.

Of course there is also still the inherent bias against charging for content that is perceived as ephemeral. In reality an online subscription to, say, Newsweek, would be much more useful than hardcopy (because of search, archives, and a million other useful features). Still, people are printing magazines and pressing CDs.

I have said for awhile that I think the future of independent music is short-run CD-R release, not download sales. As for blog content sales? It doesn't seem impossible (especially if it is adult content) but might be an uphill battle. Salon.com didn't really fare too well when it went paid, they seem to be the classic example of this problem.

Are blogs making it harder to sell intellectual property? I'm not really sure about that, I know that some of the big MP3 blogs have resorted to what is basically payola in order to generate revenue. This is an option for a blog offering other sorts of recommendations or consulting service. Of course, most people would find that to be distasteful and untrustworthy. Will people directly pay for content served up in a blog format? I might be the wrong person to ask as I tend to pay for online products and content that I find compelling but others are still very biased against the delivery method. While blogging is so old in terms of net years it is still a relatively new phenomenon in the scheme of things. I think there are things about the technology (RSS, interactivity, etc) that might make it easier to sell intellectual property (especially any sort of subscription) online.

Of course all the payment I need from Lumpesse is the joy of spouting off my unfounded opinions and inflicting them on others. I could reach the same ends at a bar but this method diminishes the hangover.

The most famous banned book of all. . .

I was hesitant to write about Lolita during my Banned Book Week celebration because it certainly isn't a novel that I need to draw anyone's attention to. Nonetheless, I have chosen to reflect on this icon for two reasons. First, we are celebrating the 50th anniversary of its publication this year (click here for the history of its banning in Europe). Second, I have very fond memories of the first time that I read it.


Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

When I was twelve years old I fancied myself quite the sophisticate and would often seek out books that I had heard were scandalous on my frequent trips to the public library. Certain ones, like Lady Chatterly's Lover, failed to make an impression on me at such a young age. I was too young and not a skilled enough reader to appreciate many of them. But one book stands out in my mind from this era because I did read it all the way through and felt very naughty for doing it.

I recall the day that I found Lolita on the shelves and surreptitiously took it to a remote corner in the back of the stacks. I began to peruse it, the whole time terrified that I would be caught. I'm not sure what I thought would happen to me if I read this book but I remember feeling like I was doing something very dangerous, liberated, and sexy. It is a rare novel that can carry a similar weight for me these days but I still seek out that exhilaration.

Somehow I summoned up the courage to sandwich Lolita amongst a stack of other books and check it out. My heart was racing as the circulation clerk fumbled with each volume. But, shockingly, I wasn't chastised or turned in - just sent off with the reminder that they were all due in three weeks.

I read Lolita in a few evenings, I couldn't put it down. She was just like me and the stuff of my deepest fantasy and adoration. I would argue now that there is no purer or more perfect time to read Lolita than when you are a twelve-year-old girl. To read it at this age is to miss out on the prurient voyeurism that Nabokov projects on his reader. A girl reads Lolita through Lo's eyes, not Humbert's. From this perspective, Humbert is dreadfully sexy and intriguing.

While I'm sure that most of you have read Lolita, I wonder how many have Nabokov's other works. It is often erroneously stated in literary circles that Lolita is his only work worth reading. If someone has told you this I suggest you stop being friends with them immediately and spend any time you might have spent listening to them blather about literature on the reading of Pnin. Is it as sexy as Lolita? No. But it is heart-breaking and funny and remarkable.

There is no better time to be a library student and obsessed with sex. . .

. . . than Banned Books Week. So, I decided to let my worlds collide and feature a banned book every day this week. (You know, for the rest of them since I was slack on Monday). Of course, these won't be just any banned books, but those that were targeted for being obscene. I hope some of you will decide to read a sexy banned book this week and maybe even get aroused. . . in the name of freedom. I'll start with the banned book that I chose to enlighten myself with this week.



Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller

Miller has been renowned for years for being a disgusting pervert and a brilliant author. Lauded as one of the finest in the 20th century, some don't realize that his book Tropic of Cancer was banned in the US for 27 years for being obscene. First published in Paris in 1934, the ban was not lifted until 1961.

Written as an autobiographical look at his own life as an expatriate in Paris in the 1930s, the book reveals the underbelly of Miller's life, what he sees as infintite decay. Tropic of Cancer is obsessed with female sexuality and features many encounters with women which Miller tends to describe with a certain lush desperation. Miller's writing still speaks best for itself though:

Mona at the window waving goodbye. White heavy face, hair streaming wild. And now it is a heavy bedroom, breathing regularly through the gills, sap still oozing from between her legs, a warm feline odor and her hair in my mouth. My eyes are closed. We breath warmly into each other's mouth. Close together, America three thousand miles away. I never want to see it again. To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth - I count that something of a miracle. Nothing can happen now till morning. . .

Is there any doubt now why Nerve Magazine has named their award for sexy literature after this man?

Comstock Films - Go buy some this Wednesday!

I ordered some movies from Comstock Films about a week or two ago as I had been hearing wonderful things about them for a very long time. Within a few days of placing my order, I received an email letting me know that Comstock is having a great Red Cross fundraiser on Wednesday, September 14th.

Tomorrow, they will be giving double the amount of your order to the Red Cross. So, if you buy one of their great DVDs for 25 bucks, 50 goes to the Red Cross. And, you still get an amazing movie. So, what makes Comstock Films so amazing? I watched "Xana and Dax" and "Marie and Jack" over this past weekend. Initially, I was partial to Marie and Jack - It was really amazing to watch how sweet and tender they are with each other. Although, I think my preference might have something to do with viewing Marie and Jack with my boyfriend.

After a second, more objective, viewing of both films today, I think that I prefer Xana and Dax. The interview with them was incredibly sexy and really built up to the on-screen sex. I also thought that the lighting for the shoot was gorgeous. But, seriously, I'm obviously not watching for the lighting. The sex was tender but still very insistent and captivated my attention immediately. Since it followed in a logical progression instead of the frantic scene-changing of conventional porn, I felt myself really drawn into the action.

Whoever thinks that real sex can't be sexy needs to try out one of these films. Watching them helped me realize a few things. First, porn can turn me on and I can even get off while watching it! Second, I am so grateful for my relationship and that I get to have sex with someone I love. Watching these couples in their most intimate moments helped me realize how much my sex is just like that and how much I treasure it for that reason.

I implore everyone to go buy a film from Comstock tomorrow. You will enjoy it immensely and be giving to an important cause.

Auctions DELAYED but not Cancelled

I recieved very little interest in my proposition of a few days ago so I have decided to delay the auctions at least a week until I get shore up adequate support from other bloggers and podcasters, add more items, and promote to a more lucrative demographic than Livejournal and the limited readership of this blog. Please get in touch with me if you want to help!

In other news, I was at the local intake center for evacuees that are now my new neighbors in this city. I met the most adorable little girl who I read with for a few hours. I am so glad that my city is putting people in hotel rooms instead of another temporary shelter. This family hadn't had any privacy in a long time or a quiet place to get some rest. I was exhausted by the end of a six hour shift of shuttling people through the Red Cross intake process, I can't even fathom how they must have felt.

Please, I implore you, if you can do anything in your community to help, get out there and do it. I know that around here they need people to "adopt" families in order to help orient them towards the community. They also need help at the food banks to sort and distribute donations.

There were 120 people that came on 1 plane to my city last night. They are the tip of the iceburg. It took at least 100 volunteers to welcome and assist them as well as massive amounts of clothing and food donations. There are 2 more flights coming into my city today. It is completely overwhelming. But, knowing that 1 new family in my city has my phone number and an offer of free babysitting makes me feel a little better.

PLEASE do whatever you can to help.

The Most Important Post I will Make

A proposal

Like many of you out there, I have been feeling very helpless about the current situation in the South. Aside from mine and my boyfriend's personal contributions to hurricane relief efforts, we feel like we want to do something more. I decided that if there was anything I could do to mobilize people to donate to hurricane relief, that I would do it. In the past I have had people ask me about selling panties and other items. I was never interested in it for my own profit. But, it is something I am thrilled to do if it can help the victims of Katrina put their lives back together. So, fair blog readers, I am inviting you into my underwear drawer for a worthy cause. I will be auctioning off several items in the next few weeks and will continue restocking until interest wanes. Please read on for more information!

Here is how it will work

I will make a post on Wednesday, September 7th listing the first item up for bid. The auction will close on Friday, September 9th at noon and another item will be posted. I will keep working on a Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule until all items are spoken for or interest has dried up.

I will accept bids via email and conduct the bidding in several rounds so that all parties will get an even chance to win.

I don't want you to send me a penny. I feel uncomfortable handling money that is meant for charity so the winner of the auction will be responsible for making a charitable contribution in the amount agreed on and furnishing proof to me in the form of a receipt, an online confirmation page, an email confirmation, etc.

If the winning bidder fails to make their contribution within 2 days of winning, they will first be publicly shamed and the item will go back up for bid.

I want this to be really fun and also raise a lot of money. If there are other ladies interested in getting in on this, lets work together!

FOLLOW THIS LINK FOR MORE DETAILS INCLUDING PICTURES.

superstition

So, I was reading my Nerve.com horoscope and thought it was sort of apropos.

I don't know if you were ever a fan of professional wrestling, but if you've ever seen it, you will have noticed the efficacy of having a tag-team partner or wily, rules-be-damned manager come to your aid when you've been hit by a chair. This is an important life lesson for you this week, Capricorn. You need allies. Allies who will be willing to give someone a suplex, yes, but also allies in the arena of love. It may be a friend who can talk to you up to someone you'd like to get with, or just someone who is willing to spit in their hand and shake on the common goal of explosive intercourse. Just make sure you find them, put on some spandex and get to work.

Reading this made me think about the events of yesterday evening which I spent with, who I guess is now a sexual ally. Last night my order of activities was very pleasant phone sex with someone in the entirely wrong hemisphere. After that adventure I went out to a concert with a friend that I have had since I started undergrad. We actually campaigned for Nader together back in my more idealistic days. I had a massive crush on J back then. Since that time I have witnessed him go through a really destructive relationship with one of my ex-roomates. J and I have something in common. She (the ex) was his only and the boy is my only.

On the drive home the conversation turned to sex and when he pulled up on front of my house we weren't really ready to stop talking. (No, this isn't going where you think it is going.) So, we went to a diner to grab a late-night snack and coffee. (See, I told you so.) It was a strange experience for me because I am used to talking about sex in an open and honest way. But but but, it felt very strange with J. Perhaps because I wanted to sleep with him when I was 18 or because I knew the fucked up shit his ex did to him while they were together. Or maybe it was just the *palpable sexual tension* between us.

I'm not sure I would even want to sleep with J or that my boyfriend would go for it. Nor am I at all sure that J wants to sleep with me. However, the fact that I felt a compelling desire to kiss him when he gave me a hug goodnight must mean something. Maybe it just means that I am horny and really miss my sweetie and desperately need a cuddle. I'm going with that explanation for awhile.

Livejournal vs. Blogger

As you may know, this blog is a mirror of my Livejournal. I tend to post only the most pertinent things here but I also leave out the majority of the pictures that I take. Today I was indexing my pictures on my Livejournal and considering re-posting some of them here. Instead, I decided to do something a little different. I have set up a guest livejournal account that has access to viewing my journal. If you are interested in looking around at what is missing from here and don't have a Livejournal account or want to sign up for one, email me for a login.

I've been playing with my new camera some more and really like results I'm getting without a flash. So, you are being treated to a picture of my rear end.

Of course it is at a peculiar angle because it is quite difficult to take a picture of your own rear end.

I went to a new bar in town last night and lamented the fact that I have been in this town too long. It is weird to walk into a place with no plan to meet people and running into at least 5 that you know. Even stranger, I think that a male friend of mine that I have known forever was hitting on me last night. It must have been because I started talking about making out with girls. Or that he was drunk.

new

So, I bought a new digital camera this afternoon. It is great. After taking a bunch of random pictures I realized that I don't have Photoshop installed on my computer anymore. Damn. So, all I have to show for it is this picture of my lips.

In other news, I've figured out why I couldn't get up the nerve to be a phone sex operator. I think I enjoy it too much myself. Doing a sexual act that I genuinely adore for money seemed, well, like prostitution. And, the idea of doing it with people that I don't care for really turned my stomach. I imagined it to be a really traumatizing experience and might even turn me from enjoying it at all. I put this all together this evening in the aftermath of some lovely, mind-numbing, insanely erotic, very perfect phone sex that I had. It isn't a part of my sexuality that I am willing to sell out to the highest bidder any more than I would my actual body. Now, do not read this as a blanket condemnation of people that are professional phone operators. I do not think it equates directly with prostitution but I realized that in terms of my emotional reaction is basically comes down to that.

Did I mention? Stunningly good phone sex. Sigh. I'll post more about it once I come down from my cloud - perhaps I'll even be able to involve the other party in question.